Single Male Nudists – Still a Problem

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I’m getting tired of being singled out because I am a single male.”

How many times have you heard that?  How many times have you said that?  It’s so unfair that single men are discriminated against because of their gender, isn’t it?

Well, yes it is and…no it isn’t,  for  a number of reasons.  For one thing, it’s not just a gender issue, it’s a combination of gender and the lack of a ‘keeper’.  It’s a matter of behavior.   Gosh, where have we heard that before as it applies  to men?

People go to private nudist venues to relax and have a good time, free from the worries that can hamper their enjoyment of public facilities.  One of the things they want to get away from is the stereotype guy who ogles the ladies and thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and proves it by making himself available for stud service to any woman he sees.  He knows, of course, that she’s just aching for his attentions; why else would she be flaunting herself like that, naked by the pool?

Is that you?  Of course not.   You’re a good guy, a genuine nudist who happens to be single and may not even be interested in hooking up right now.  A day in the sun is all you ask, is that so terrible?  Nope, not at all.  But you’re not welcome at a lot of nudist venues because of Joe Cool over there who has created a long history of bothering women, getting drunk and obnoxious, and generally making everyone else wish they’d stayed home.

That ‘everyone else’ is the group of folks who put their hard-earned money and effort into building the club as a place where they could be comfortable and safe.  Or they’re the ones paying good money to enjoy those same benefits.  They are not  there to have to deal with idiots; there’s plenty of them outside the gates.

And then there’s the single woman, that elusive creature so rare at nudist venues and so carefully cultivated once lured inside.  Believe it or not, just because a woman is alone does not mean that she is waiting for a man to fill the void.  Men are easy to find; she doesn’t need to get naked to find one of them!  Surprisingly, women too like to just relax sometimes without dealing with potential suitors, and an excess of loose men hanging around makes that difficult.

Nudist clubs, camps, and resorts all have in common that they cost a lot of money to operate, have a limited clientele, often have a limited season,  and survive by delivering what they promise – which is a safe, hassle-free environment for nudists to relax and socialize in without a single concern to mar their visit.  The venue’s very existence depends on being able to provide this every single time for every single visitor lest they lose their customers.

Single women aren’t comfortable when outnumbered excessively by men at nudist venues, and won’t attend if they feel like they’re the object of too much attention.  Even if the men are well-behaved, the comfort factor is degraded.  There’s no denying this well-recorded phenomenon.

These clubs and resorts weren’t built by or for single men, they were built by people committed to a lifestyle free from the harsh realities of Textile society, including the predatory behavior exhibited by many single men in the presence of a woman, whether she’s single or not.  They are there by mutual agreement that such behavior, even if casual, is not to be tolerated for the comfort of all.

History, a lot of history, has shown that single men simply cannot be trusted to play by the rules.   Women seem to be able to.  Couples seem to be able to.  Single men…often do not.

So it’s a matter of the comfort of those who regularly use the facilities and the very real financial risk involved in possibly losing that solid customer base should even a few  guys misbehave and disturb  someone.  It’s just not worth taking a chance.

As a single good-guy nudist, what can you do about this?  Nothing.  As a single good-guy nudist with a female (sometimes male) friend to bring along?  You can enter the facility and enjoy the comfort and safety of knowing that you won’t be bothered by Joe Cool.  That’s a fact of life, and nobody said life is fair.

36 Responses

  1. I can fully understand why many single men get singled out. There are many who are the aggressive type. I’ve been singled out a number of times just because I’m a man. This can sometimes be stereotyping which is also a problem. So of coarse it’s those others who give some of us a bad name.

  2. On the occasions that I’ve either gone ahead of Angie or by myself, the folks at the club we go to the most often act like they don’t know me, pretty much. It’s the single male thing. You may be able to legislate against discrimination but you can’t make it go away, especially if it’s based on experience.

  3. There is another alternative to this situation, one that my nudist club, Solair in Woodstock, CT, uses. We have no restrictions on single males, but we do have a rigorous interview procedure for every new visitor, no matter who he/she is. First visit you get a tour of the facility and an interview from someone from the Membership Committee. 2nd visit, another interview from another committee member; same thing on 3rd visit. 4th visit you’re interviewed by the Chair of the Membership Committee, who has already reviewed the reports of the first three interviews. If all has gone well, you’re offered membership. At any time during your earlier visits, if you misbehave, you’re thrown out and never allowed back; we have to throw out several misguided men every year. End result – even though we have more male members than female, they are all well behaved and our women feel very comfortable.

  4. Single men who just want to be nude, go to one of the fine male only nudist camps. After all, isn’t being nude outside what it’s all about? All male camps that I have seen on line often have superior looking facilities to the family resorts. Worried about being “hit” on? So are women in nudist camps and resorts. You don’t want to be “hit” on and they don’t want to either.

    Now, single men who come and want to see females nude, to those guys bring a woman with you. Maybe I don’t want you to view my wife because you can’t bring a woman with you. My wife doesn’t want to see you naked. She’s seen plenty of nude men and like the article talks about, she can pick up men any where, any time.

    Don’t think that you have a god given right to get into any private nudist club or resort. It’s their club, their rules. If they don’t want single men, they have a valid reason and it’s to keep those paying couples and families coming. They don’t want a handful of women with loads of single men because they WILL end up not visiting, husband or not. Bring their kids? That’s a whole other discussion but they will not feel comfortable bringing the family with a gallery of nude men.

    Also, women want women around so they feel comfortable. Lose the comfort factor, women will not come. Sharp club owners have learned this lesson and have made their rules accordingly.

    Lastly, find a public nude beach, You will not be “singled” out of the place nor will you feel discriminated.

    I think club owners should/could designate some single’s welcome days or weekends. Or, offer free admission to single women or women who accompany a man. That would go a long way to helping the situation because after visiting a nude club, most women have really enjoyed it. By bringing a female guest, you help the cause.

    We haven’t touched base on married men, who don’t bring their wives along or they will not come.

    This is not meant to be patronizing to single men at all. Unfortunately some men find themselves alone after a divorce, death of spouse or are just plain looking to be naked with others without any prowling. As the article says, all men get lumped together fairly or not…

  5. If long-term trends continue this policy (combined with the sagging economy) could put some resorts out of business. You should buy that book Going Solo. It explores the dramatic rise of solo living in the U.S. 28% of U.S. households consist of people who live alone and it looks like there’s going to be a lot more in the future. At Amazon where I work tons of people were ordering it.

    Maybe the policy should be based on reputation and similar things.

  6. That sounds pretty reasonable, though it still doesn’t solve the ‘too many men’ issue that some clubs struggle with. But nothing’s going to be perfect and your club is at least giving the guys a chance. Good job!

  7. Catch-22. Hard to develop a good reputation when nobody will let you in and you can’t get in without a good reputation. Maybe we need some sort of ‘good guy’ certification program?

  8. Not only is this a problem with Single male nudist. I think their is a larger problem with LGBT nudist and intersex nudist as well.

  9. I was single and interested in naturism for many years. After considering the single male issue closely, I opted not to participate in nude recreation at all. Why? Because I am so committed to the ideals of naturism that I was willing to make the sacrifice of not participating so that women and families could have a comfortable place to experience them.

    Given the way most women perceive social nudism, I realized the last thing most women and families needed was me! Even though I never had any intentions of hitting on anyone, I realized my mere presence would raise the specter, potentially driving women and families away and harming the future of the movement.

    By God’s grace, after a few years of marriage, I find myself with a spouse who’s actively interested in social nudism. It was worth the wait. It was also worth the sacrifice.

    I would strongly encourage other single/unattached men to consider making a similar sacrifice for the sake of the women and children involved. Wait until you have a partner and/or find some other venue for nude recreation.

  10. Could be but we don’t hear about that. And as you know, out of sight, out of mind. The world is a lot more complicated than it was not so long ago and institutions are slow to respond. Faced with uncertainty, people will always respond conservatively. In this case that means exclusion, not inclusion.

  11. Appreciate your sacrifice and the reasons for it, but I don’t agree. It’s true that in a society we all give up some freedoms for the greater benefit of all, but giving up freedom because of the faulty personal perceptions of others is to submit to tyranny. It is their perception of you that causes them distress, not the fact of your existence. Their unfounded fear is the problem, not you. You are not responsible for that.

    This country was founded on majority rule with minority rights, and our whole system is based on the idea that everyone will try to get the most for themselves without regard for others. That’s why they added the Bill of Rights; NOBODY is to be trusted to selflessly do good for others. That’s a ‘Christian’ ideal, and ideal is all it is.

    If all nudists followed your example of ‘offending’ no one, there would be far fewer places to practice nudity, in hiding or not. The very existence of nudist venues upsets many, many people even if they don’t have to see us. Were we to do as you did, we would cease to be nudists completely lest we offend someone by our existance and cause them to enjoy life less.

    We have nude beaches because people used them. Isolated originally, then more and more public. We’re still fighting to keep them and staying away is not going to do the job. People have to get used to us and discover that we’re harmless, just like a well-behaved single man at a nudist venue.

    I fear that your admirable and selfless efforts may have been in vain; those you ‘helped’ are unaware of it and it did nothing to dispel the innacurate image of men that some women hold. You’re kind of in the position of a young man that goes off to war to defend his country then later discovers that the war was for corporate profit, not freedom. Instead of helping the cause of freedom he instead simply wasted some of the best years of his life to make the rich, richer.

    Gloomy depiction, huh? Yeah, well I wasted four years of my young life for a ‘good’ cause too and later had to decide whether to consider myself a fool or just write it off as a life lesson. I’m still working on that one! But… my intentions were good and I think that counts for something, to me at least. So were yours.

    I am saying this not to make you feel bad (and it’s only an opinion), but as something to consider should some other guys read this and think along those lines. I don’t think this issue is worth the self-sacrifice that is called for; no one will thank them for it and it will help nothing.

    Thanks so much for the comment; you really are one of the ‘good guys’!

  12. I see it all the time when LGBT nudist are excluded from nude events and even Intersex nudist like myself are always excluded from nudist events.

  13. Reblogged this on home clothes free and commented:
    Some people make it bad for all As a home nudist I don’t even want to necessarily want to interact with a ton of people let alone pick up some one. But I would like to go to a nudist resort/camp to enjoy being nude outdoors and since I am only nudist in family that makes me single and suspect because of the perception of single male nudists

  14. I’m bisexual and it IS a larger problem with folks like me. It’s called Bigotry.

  15. Well, then you’ve got more going against you than most. Maybe someone should start a letter writing campaign to TNS AND AANR (or the appropriate organizations in their area). Make some noise and demand a public position statement from them. You KNOW they avoid controversy like the plague; this black mark on nude recreation should be addressed by those who claim to represent nudists and present our lifestyle as accepting to all.

    Grousing on websites, as happens a LOT, may help blow off steam, but is also easily ignored. The folks on top tend to be a bit out of touch with the rank and file, from what we’ve seen. Also, as members you have voting rights and the right to be heard. But first, you have to join.

    The purpose of this article was to demonstrate that the problem is far from new AND has some valid reasons for being. The need is to recognize and FIX the problem, not force people to live with it.

  16. i really don’t know what to say about this article other then i feel kind of insulted. Well i’ll post a serious comment on my blog.

  17. [...] i saw this article on the All Nudist blog i was taken aback by it.  The article, Single Male Nudists – Still a Problem made me wonder are people at naturist retreats and resorts still that prudish and backwards.  Are [...]

  18. The point was to demonstrate that, if they read the 1940′s article, men would see that the reasons for discrimination are real and haven’t changed for over half a century. It’s not a new thing based on man-hate, as many feel it is. The only way to fix a problem is to confront it, not just complain about it in comment sections on Facebook or blogs. Feel as offended as you want, but these are the facts, not opinion. Nobody else is going to deal with it for you if you’re a single male but you should be aware of WHY it’s happening.

  19. I agree with your assessment. My feeling on the matter are personal at best and worst

  20. Would a “True Nudist” look at a a single man that they don’t know different than a man and woman they don’t know without talking to them? Isn’t nudism about treating people the same no matter what they look like or who they are? Just assuming the single male is there for the wrong reasons goes against what being a nudist is supposed to mean.

    I know, I know, meet 100 single guys and 87 of them are Joe Cool and are there to hit on or pick up a date, you kind just start assuming this guy is Joe Cool the 88th. I mean the odds are he is right? But why not accept him in as you do the couple or the single women until you have reason not to. The world doesn’t work this way I know that, but in the nudist naturalist world it is supposed to be that way.

    I do understand though how accepting all single men can do harm to clubs. After Joe Cool 87 hits on a female member she may have had enough of it and never return. (Most likely long before 87 hits on her.) Reputations of the club especially now with the Internet reviews, reach many eyes and ears.

    As someone else mentioned above screening members before allowing them into the facilities can work. But would be costly, time consuming and still won’t get all of the bad eggs out of the club. To me single males and nudist clubs is the bigger Catch-22.

  21. I consider myself to be a home nudist. I feel quite comfortable that way in my own home. I read the article about single males with interest. I have felt some of the discomfort that was spoken about by the author of the article and some of the responders who replied to the article. I can relate because I am a widower of many years now. My wife passed away two weeks after we were married. I miss her greatly still, and because I am also a person with a disability who uses a wheelchair. I worry again about being accepted.

    I began to research naturism as a way to deal with some health and comfort issues I was having at the time. I began to read extensively about it, and I found a copy and read Nudist Society as well as other books on the subject. My interest grew, but I did not know how to proceed. It took a while, but I got my courage up and eventually contacted a local travel club nearest me.

    I had all the initial fears that everyone does and that everyone mentions: nervousness, would I be accepted? Why did I want to do this anyway?, etc. My fears were all alleviated by the end of the afternoon of my visit.

    There was one glaring issue for me and that was the issue of transportation. I could not get to the travel club’s meetings on a regular basis due to transportation. Due to transportation issues, I was not able to visit that travel club again.

    I find myself wondering again after reading the article about single males whether I would be accepted at naturist clubs or events. It appears that my fears whether well founded or not, are back.

  22. If you’re going to live in fear, you’re not living at all. If you’d like to go to a club, just call and explain your situation and see what they have to say. You won’t know until you try! Good luck!

  23. Also remember once you get into the club and become a regular visitor or member, the others will soon know you are to be trusted even though you are the “single male”. Single males are not the enemy, it’s just that more often than not, the “enemy” is a single male. Some males that are part of couples and even women have been removed or asked not to return to some events for behavior problems. Yes it’s more rare of course but has and does happen.

    You sound as if you are like me. You looked at naturism as a way to not only allow others to see you for who you are but also accept yourself for who you are. (Which is the most important part of nudism/naturism in my opinion.) I agree with All Nudist, call ahead talk about your concerns or questions then enjoy your time when you can visit. :)

  24. Too bad it just can’t be like the Human Planet series. It seems like the natives DON’T EVEN KNOW they’re naked. This is how nudism should be!
    Most American nudists are complete frauds. And the Christianized public definitely won’t accept the body when they just saw that interview at Sunsport where the reporter would be asked to leave for simply looking at them in the wrong place (besides the 15 year old who doesn’t like it).

    Anyway I just started reading “Lies My Teacher Told Me” and already i’ve seen some interesting things about nudity.

  25. Interesting group of mysogynists you have there on the site you identify with. Tell us, what brought you to you THIS fraudulant nudist site? From what source do you draw your conclusions conserning American nudists? What is you own experience in social nudism? And just what is it that you feel you have to offer by commenting here? Just curious, perhaps we are misinterpreting your comment. It seems rather trollish.

  26. This site was obviously written by a woman that thinks she is adored by every man that exists. I have observed many married men exhibiting the behaviors that you described. I have also had many unwanted women make advances toward me. Our society seems content with punishing entire groups of people in order to control a few that misbehave. It would be intellegent to punish the offenders rather than the whole group. Of course, most are not intellegent. Why not just have seperate areas for men and women. The men then can enjoy the freedom that we all wish and the women can carry on with their controlling illusions.

  27. Separate but equal… now where have we heard that before? Suggest you read the article again, this time without preconceptions. The facts are simply stated without editorializing, the tone is pro-single male, and the attached article is self-explanatory and relevant as it demonstrates the the problems today are the same as they were decades ago. The point of our article was to answer the many inquiries we receive from men as to why they are discriminated against. We have explained the reasons why, we did not create them.

    Swinging couples and the problems some of them create are not within the scope of this article about single men, nor are gay men or single women, social attitudes, religion, culture, or many other factors adversely affecting social nudism. If you look around this website you will find articles addressing many of the various difficulties nudists encounter in the course of finding a bit of sunshine. To attempt to cover them all in one article would be impossible. It is unlikely, though, that you will find an article about rampant poor behavior by single women here (or anywhere else) as there is no problem with single women other than getting them to come to nudist venues in the first place. The personal occasions you cite were just that; isolated incidents which do not create a systemic problem which threatens nudism worldwide.

    The tone of your comment borders on rudeness and in the future we expect you to remember that you chose to come here and we are allowing you to comment. If you cannot conduct yourself in a polite and respectful manner you will find yourself just as unwelcome here as other boors are not welcome at other nudist venues.

  28. Some single men behaving badly is only part of the issue. The other part of the equation is “Why so few single women?”. And I think the answer lies at least in part with the body image issue. Even married women are less likely to want to go a nudist resort/area with their husbands because of body image problems.

  29. You’re right about the body image issue, and that’s why nudist women are so wholeheartedly enthused about nudism. Often for the first time in their lives they find themselves treated and seen as people, not bodies. It’s ironic that being socially nude, the very thing which terrifies the average woman, is the thing which finally frees them from that fear.

    We hear from so many guys whose wives refuse to accompany them to nudist venues. Reams of articles, written by women and for women, attest to the incredible relief they’ve felt upon trying nudism yet the message still doesn’t get across. It’s truly a tragedy.

    Then of course the shortage of women causes restrictions on the number of men allowed… and nobody’s happy. No one seems to know how to break the cycle though some have made inroads.

  30. Spamming is SO rude, don’t you think? Nudist Dating – $ – Love?

  31. Here’s an abridged version of the rant I posted on facebook; I feel that excluding single men isn’t actually solving the problem at all. All it is doing is sweeping the problem under the rug and excluding people just to be safe. It doesn’t actually solve the problem and just prevents legit people from having a good time.

    I feel that Naturist Clubs and Resorts should lead by example. We live in a patriachal society where women are considered sex objects. One reason I call myself a Feminist is because I’m sick of women being harassed for simply showing cleavage and legs, let alone their entire naked body.

    If we want to solve the problem, instead of just putting “No single Men allowd” signs, we should lead by example. Take the risk, but enforce the rules. Keep a good enviroment and build a good community where people can trust that perverts will be kicked out. Break down the patriachal ideas and SHOW that people can enjoy being nude in a social enviroment without it leading to sexual situations. Provide examples of a community where the actions of an individual are representitive of an individual, not an entire group of people or a patriachel idea.

    And further more, explore and discuss why these patriachal ideas are bad. Work against slut shaming and prove that we are like minded individuals who see people for who they are, regardless of how much or little clothing they have on. Nothing is ever going to be perfect, so exluding people to try and acheive perfection isn’t gonna work.

  32. You may have missed the point, though all you say is true. Small camps exist for the benefit of their members and many are hanging on by a thread. Excess men, though they may bring in a couple of bucks, have historically been more trouble than they’re worth. Experience, a wise teacher, tells them that. They choose not to take the risk, and it’s not their job to try to change society’s perceptions of ANYTHING. They simply want a safe place for members and guests to relax.

    For women, that means avoiding a large influx of men who may or may not behave well. Many camps allow single men but control the number. Some don’t allow any. That’s a fact and no amount of proselytizing by uninvolved people is going to change that. Did you read the 1940′s article? That was the point of this old posting; NOTHING has changed. Sad but true.

  33. The even larger issue is when will they refer to a gay couple at nudist resorts in the same manner they refer to heterosexual couples? Gay couples get treated like two single men and sorry ladies you can’t say those men are “Lookie Lou’s” staring at you!

  34. And enough with all this talk about so called abusive men at resorts they are just as likely to be part of a couple as so called single men! I’ve been going long enough now to state clearly that I’ve never seen it not even once! So ladies spare us the PC nonsense I keep a respectful distance from couples and single ladies and just yesterday left a hot tub where two ladies were there with two men (one who they apparently came with and one who just came up to them) and didn’t want to upset the mix in any way. I’ve also been part of a couple at resorts and almost never had to warn a single guy about untoward behavior!

  35. Jeffgerbino -I can’t speak for all camps/venues but, other than at the recent Young Naturists America party in NYC, the places we know of generally consider any combination of two adults as a ‘couple’. That may not always or even usually the case, though.

  36. Jeffgerbino -Yeah, sucks, doesn’t it? our local camp allows single men and there’s no problem. In fact, there’s no problem with anyone, since problems aren’t permitted. any decent club has a zero tolerance policy.

    As is obvious by the comments here (and anywhere this topic arises), it’s an emotional issue for many people, mostly single men, of course. I’ve experienced being a single male at the club we attend the most and even then, I know I’m seen in a different light than when Angie’s with me. It’s not comfortable; enough so that I don’t do it anymore.

    Our article here was merely informative about the reasons and causes of male discrimination and doesn’t offer answers. These are the reasons cited; we didn’t invent or subscribe to them. Just the facts, Jack.

    At camp and the beach we’ve met a number of single guys and all behaved exemplorily. They tend to migrate to us, I think, because we DON’T treat them any differently and make them feel welcome. Nonetheless, were our camp overloaded with men instead of a pretty even mix, I doubt that the couples would be as comfortable, and they’re the ones who pay the bills. It’s the seasonal members that pay hundreds of dollars and do a lot of the maintenance and volunteering for events. It’s a community that works together for the benefit of all, and that’s typical of small clubs/camps. Weekend visitors pay a small fee then go home.

    There are so many reason single men are not desired in venues; some may be valid, some not. Nobody’s figured out a solution yet, but one camp (Bare Oaks in Canada, I think) has announced that it will be opening the doors to singles this year to see what happens. It’s not much, but it’s a start!

Courteous behavior is expected; please stay on-topic. Thanks!

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